


Pulling Me Back

by lady_icarus



Series: Days That Bind Us [5]
Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-12 06:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11156151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_icarus/pseuds/lady_icarus
Summary: Time is such a strange thing.And some days it's easier to get caught up in the comfort of remembering the past instead of listening to the pull of the present.





	1. Intro

**_“Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”_ **

 

Kyle glanced down at the head resting on his shoulder, the once-wild and messy hair having long since been tamed to a fashionable coif. He smiled fondly, suddenly nostalgic for the early days when he would wake up on the bus ride to wherever they were playing with a faceful of Dan’s hair nearly suffocating him. 

 

“C’mon, we’re nearly there.” Kyle nudged him gently, trying to ease him into wakefulness. When that didn’t work, Kyle sighed and ran a hand through Dan’s hair, allowing himself a moment to marvel at how soft it was even despite the meticulous styling the other had taken to recently. Seeing the ‘No Smoking’ sign flashing--something he’d learned to identify as a final warning before the plane began its slow crawl downward-- Kyle finally pinched Dan’s cheek, letting out a soft snort at the disgruntled noise their lead singer let out as he blinked his eyes open. 

 

“Where are we?” He muttered, eyes squinting in confusion until Kyle handed him his glasses. 

 

“Just over Toronto now. We’ll have a couple of hours before we’re expected to be at sound check. Should give us plenty of time to get through customs and get something to eat.” Kyle reminded him gently. 

 

“Great cause we’re changing the set list.” Dan’s lips were fixed in a firm line, and although Kyle knew damn well there was no room for argument with that expression, he still opened his mouth to ask only to be cut off by a sharp kick to the back of his seat.

 

“Oi, check it out!” Woody whispered from behind them, pointing down to what Kyle assumed was where they would be playing that night. If he squinted, he could just barely make out their name on the marquis, shortly followed by what was most likely that day’s date. Kyle just shook his head, still a little floored every time he saw the word “Bastille” in lights. 

 

“Wild, Wild World Tour, here we go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys and welcome back to Days That Bind Us! This is the final story in this series, which is why I've been putting off posting it. Yes, we are picking up several years after the end of the last story. Yes, there are a million unanswered questions. Yes, I have every intention of answering every single one of those questions. 
> 
> Another quick note, for the sake of the narrative, I'm ignoring a lot of "canon" facts about setlists and tours and everything else. This is entirely a work of fiction, so I didn't think anyone would be too mad at my deviating from reality. (Also, to be completely honest, I was able to see them in the North America Wild Wild World Tour, which is what first made me aware of Dyle in the first place and kind of what prompted this entire 'verse anyway, which is a big reason why it's set in North America).
> 
> This series is going to feature a lot of flashbacks and hazy memories, one at the end of each chapter (except for the intro and epilogue). All of these scenes will be preceded by "/ / /" as a section break instead of the usual asterisk formatting I've been using and will also be entirely in italics.
> 
> Again, welcome back! I can't wait to see what you think of the journey these boys go on!


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you absolutely mental?” Woody asked around a mouthful of his turkey-bacon club sandwich. Kyle had opted for a breakfast wrap instead, his body having abandoned any sense of time-appropriate meals sometime around their first trip to New York nearly three years ago. He picked at the egg sticking out of his wrap, silently agreeing with Woody but knowing better than to actually say anything. Nearly seven years with this group had taught him the value of picking his moments, difficult as that may be when dealing with Dan Smith and his ever-fluctuating moods. 

 

“I’m not mental. It’s not like I’m saying we need to exclusively play songs from our third album that we’ve barely even touched, much less recorded. I just want to include more from our early days, that’s all.” Dan mumbled, gaze focused on the coffee in front of him. 

 

“We spent literally a month working out our set list. You were the one who almost had a heart attack when the label suggested we let some of the audiences pick one song for the set in a Twitter poll.” Will pointed out. “You’ve got plenty of tour anxiety on your own and now you’re wanting to add more to that by changing the set list around less than six hours before our first stop?”

 

“Let’s hear what you’ve got in mind.” Kyle surprised himself by speaking up, letting out a quiet sigh at Dan’s obvious relief. 

 

“Right. So we’d already tossed around the idea of adding in Palmer, right?”

 

“Because Twine Pokes.” Kyle supplied helpfully, trying to ignore the way his stomach still flipped when Dan gave him that delighted smile of his. 

 

“Right. Twin Peaks.” Dan corrected, his expression falling for a brief moment before he cleared his throat and continued. “Well, I was thinking it might be nice to sort of… bring some more stuff back. Nothing crazy, just some of the songs we’d already been playing anyway. Palmer, Things, Flaws, The Draw.”

 

Kyle looked up in surprise at the name of the last song on the list. They’d played a lot of stuff off their first albums, even throwing in variations on tracks from ‘VS.’, depending on the crowd and Dan’s mood, but ‘The Draw’ hadn’t exactly come up on the set list frequently, if at all, from what Kyle could tell. He could remember the first time they’d played it live, could remember the ensuing meltdown that had caused them to avoid playing it as much as possible since. The fact that it was coming up now, hours before the debut of their North American tour… it meant something. And Kyle had learned years ago that if it meant something to Dan, they needed to at least try. 

 

Woody and Will seemed to be of the same mind, both exchanging a look before giving almost simultaneous shrugs.

 

“Can’t say we agree with changing things on such short notice…” Woody started. 

 

“But. You’ve taken a lot of risks these last few years. On music, on albums, on… literally everything we’ve done. Myself included.” Will grinned. 

 

“We’ll trust your judgment on it.” Kyle finished, reaching next to him to squeeze Dan’s knee. Dan’s eyes flicked down to his hand before looking up to Kyle’s face, expression thoughtful. Kyle gave him a reassuring smile, his thumb brushing over the seam of Dan’s jeans. Dan bit his lip before finally nodding and offering a small smile in return. 

 

“Alright.” Dan exhaled before grabbing the receipt from Woody’s tray so he could start scribbling on the back of it. “This is what I’ve got in mind.” 

 

Kyle watched as the pen flew over the small page, nodding along as the song arrangement started to make sense in his head. He didn’t miss the way Dan’s hand faltered before writing out ‘The Draw’, and he found himself once again thinking of that first performance, wondering what had changed between then and now to make Dan willing to give it another shot. 

 

/ / /

 

_ “You guys have been amazing, thank you so much! I know we’ve been playing some new stuff, but uh. You’ve all been fantastic through that. This is the last of them tonight, and uh, I hope you like it. It’s a bit different for us and it’s coming out… pretty soon so. Keep an eye out. Not as a single, don’t worry.” Dan laughed, turning away just as Woody started beating out the tempo. He glanced over to Kyle, and even in the darkness, Kyle could make out the other’s strange expression. There was no time to think, no time to question what was happening before the opening to their song was playing and Dan was turning away to sing the opening. They’d played it hundreds of times between the initial reluctant debut in Will’s living room and the final recording nearly two weeks prior, but Dan seemed uncertain, somehow, glancing over at Kyle when his falsetto wavered in the second trill. Kyle frowned, gave him a nod, encouraging him to keep singing. Dan’s answering nod wasn’t entirely confident, but he still managed to come in strong on the first verse.  _

 

_ It was a good song, fairly easy for the first few minutes, giving Dan a chance to wander around stage and Woody a chance to do...whatever it was he did when he wasn’t playing drums. Kyle wasn’t really paying too much attention to the other members of their band, too fixated on watching Dan wander around the stage, steps unplanned and nervous for the first time that night. His gaze kept returning to Kyle, even as he climbed on top of the center stage amp. Kyle was almost grateful when his gaze dropped to the ground, his body swaying along with the beat even as he curled into himself. It was disconcerting, watching his body hang limp like a ragdoll before stumbling off the amp, and Kyle knew instantly that something was very, very wrong.  _

 

_ Kyle tried to stay focused on his own musical multitasking, shifting between the keys of the synth and the drumbeat he was required to play. Dan’s vocals stayed consistent as he continued wandering around the stage, but Kyle didn’t miss the way he slipped up the lyrics when Dan and Kyle locked eyes again or the way he immediately shifted his focus back to his own drum. Kyle’s gaze stayed locked on Dan as the other wandered back up to the amp only to fold over on himself again before hopping back to the stage. Kyle grabbed his guitar and waited for his cue, wincing at the way Dan’s voice broke on the key change.  _

 

_ In their soundcheck, they’d blocked it out for Kyle to move to the front of the stage and play out the remainder of the song, but he held back as Dan moved to the rear drum set, beating at the poor thing with so much rage and desperation that Kyle wasn’t entirely sure they shouldn’t just call it a night. His eyes followed Dan as the singer returned to his own keyboard, grabbing a towel and burying his face into it. Kyle waited for those familiar eyes to peek up at him over the cloth before tossing the vocalist his guitar pick. Dan didn’t bother to catch it, just shaking his head as Kyle backed away, waiting for the lights to dim before rushing towards the other.  _

 

_ “Only a few more. Hang in there, mate. I’ve got you.” He muttered, reaching out to squeeze Dan’s shoulder for the briefest of moments before having to walk to the other side of the stage for their next song.  _

 

_ The rest of the set went surprisingly well, Dan managing to keep his focus through to the very end. Kyle was barely aware of the echoing noise of the crowd, of what everyone around them was saying, too focused on Dan and the defeated slump of his shoulders as he disappeared into the backstage area.  _

 

_ “Dan, wait!” Kyle called, passing off his guitar to one of the crew members as he rushed backstage, trying to follow the other. He wasn’t sure whether Dan simply couldn’t hear him or if he was purposefully ignoring him, but for whatever reason the other male kept moving, disappearing into one of the back hallways. Kyle cursed when someone grabbed him by the arm, stopping him in his tracks.  _

 

_ “What?” He all but barked, glaring down at the hand on his arm before looking up at who’d stopped him.  _

 

_ “Whoa. Calm down, alright? Just wanted to know if you knew what was up with our boy.” Woody held his hands up defensively, taking a step back.  _

 

_ “Kind of what I was trying to find out.” Kyle snapped, then ran his hands over his face. “Sorry. He just seemed off, yeah? I’m worried about him.” _

 

_ “Me too. Just wanted to make sure you... “ Woody sighed, shaking his head. “Just be careful, alright? I get that you’re just about the only one who knows how to handle it when he gets like this, but. Somethin’s off. Be smart, yeah?” _

 

_ “I’m just going to make sure he’s alright. Really, Woody, it’ll be fine.” Kyle reached out to pat him on the shoulder before pushing past him, trying to figure out where Dan had disappeared to. He nearly missed him, if not for the tell-tale sign of labored breathing coming from a darkened hallway no one seemed to be using at the time.  _

 

_ “Dan?” He asked, voice loud in the quiet of the hallway. _

 

_ “Not now, alright? Just need a mo’.” Dan’s voice was hoarse, and coming from what sounded like the floor. Kyle pressed his hand to the wall, following it for a moment before reaching what he hoped was Dan’s position before slumping to the floor himself. _

 

_ “C’mon. What’s all this about?” He asked gently, reaching out until he found the skin of Dan’s wrist in the darkness. The other was clutching his head in his hands, and Kyle let out a quiet sigh as he tugged Dan’s hands away from his face.  _

 

_ Dan made a noise low in his throat, the only warning before the other was curling into himself, hands moving to wrap around his middle. Kyle crawled around on the floor until he was crouched in front of him, hands moving to grip Dan’s shoulders.  _

 

_ “Just go away. I’ll be fine.” Dan muttered. _

 

_ “Not going anywhere. Told you before, I’ve got you. Good or bad. But I can’t help if you won’t tell me what’s going on.” _

 

_ Dan’s responding laugh was devoid of all humor, and even in the darkness Kyle could see the despair in the other’s eyes when he finally looked up at him. _

 

_ “You’ve got me, you’ve got me.” Dan repeated, shaking his head before pushing to his feet, causing Kyle to release his grip. He made it a few steps before stopping, facing away from Kyle, his silhouette illuminated by the dim lights coming from down the hall.  _

 

_ “It’s alright to get nervous before debuting a new song, especially one that’s so different from what we’ve been doing. We knew it was a risk playing it at all, it’s alright that it wasn’t perfect for the first go round. It wasn’t even as bad as you think it was.” Kyle spoke slowly as he stood, taking a careful step towards Dan but making no move to actually reach out. “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up over it.” _

 

_ “We never should have played it in the first place. Wasn’t ready.” _

 

_ “What do you mean, it wasn’t ready? We recorded it ages ago, and it’s brilliant--” _

 

_ “Not the song.” Dan finally turned at that, giving Kyle an apologetic shrug in the ensuing silence. “C’mon. Better get back. We’ve got to take down the stage before they kick us out for the night.” _

 

_ Kyle opened his mouth to say something, but Dan was already walking away, leaving him with more questions than he’d started with.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend who knows nothing about Bastille drew 'fanart' of this scene in powerpoint.  
> https://lady-icarus-in-flight.tumblr.com/post/161644257935/my-friend-drew-a-scene-from-my-fic-in-powerpoint
> 
> Also, that's my tumblr! Come say hi!


	3. Chapter 3

“Charlie!” Will called excitedly as they entered the arena.

 

“We brought doughnuts!” Woody added from behind a stack of several Tim Horton’s boxes, which some of the roadies helpfully removed from his hands and began passing around. He kept one box for himself, hopping up on the stage so he could sit in the center and wait for the rest of the band to join him. 

 

Kyle looked over at Dan worriedly, but their lead singer didn’t seem to be wearing the worry he usually did before a show, an easy smile on his face as he climbed the edge of the stage. His shoe slid against the front, and he made a noise of surprise before Kyle moved to put a hand on his back, steadying him before giving him a helpful push.

 

“You’re all animals. Use the bloody stairs.” Will teased, rolling his eyes when  Kyle made it up with no trouble. 

 

“Sounds like you’re getting too old to hang with our lot. Charlie, you up for joining on full time?” Dan asked as he and Kyle moved to join Woody and Charlie on the ground. 

 

“Keep talking like that and I’ll get Dick to put you on vocal rest.” Will muttered as he walked up to them, snatching the doughnut from Woody’s hand as he moved to sit next to him. 

 

“You can’t put him on vocal rest till I find out why I have a text from Woody saying we’re changing around the set list.” Charlie tapped his phone before sliding it into his own pocket. “Shouldn’t you be focusing on the newer stuff anyway?”

 

“The newer stuff… it’s all about the stress of the world around us, right? Everything’s going to shit, and it’s terrifying.” Dan replied, hesitating as he glanced over at Kyle before continuing. “But… for me, at least, when I get caught up in everything, it… it helps. Thinking of those early days. Of playing songs in Will’s living room and just mucking around. There’s something comforting in all of that.” He passed over the receipt-turned-setlist to Charlie, who carefully pinched it between the fingers that weren’t holding a donut so he could read it over.

 

“To be fair, none of these are particularly tricky to play. And… it’s a good line up. Room for some flexibility if something doesn’t work--”

 

“It’ll work.” Kyle spoke up, leaning forward to snatch a doughnut from the box. “They’re good songs, they’ve got heart and… it makes sense in the order he’s put them in. I think? Still trying to wrap my head around it, but musically at least… it’s all smooth transitions.” He glanced over at Dan, surprised to note that the vocalist was already looking at him, a strange expression on his face. “That’s what you were going for, right? Musical puzzle pieces, yeah?”

 

“...something like that.” Dan sighed, reaching for a doughnut himself. “Now who wants to give Dick the good news about the list change?” 

 

“I’ll text him, everyone knows I’m his favorite.” Will sighed dramatically, pulling out his phone. “We’re still starting with ‘Send Them Off!’, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Dan nodded, looking to Kyle again for a brief moment. “Just feels right, you know?”

 

“We’re Bastille, we’re about to start off an amazing tour, and we’re eating some damn good doughnuts. Everything feels right!” Woody cheered, seemingly oblivious to whatever had passed between Dan and Kyle. To be fair, Kyle himself felt rather oblivious about it all, but he had no doubts that the pieces would start to slot into place, just as they always did.

 

/ / /

 

_ ‘Sorry, it just… doesn’t feel right anymore. I want you to be happy. Can’t you want the same for me?’ _

 

_ Kyle let the words run through his mind for what felt like the hundredth time that night, chased by liquor and sadness in a seemingly infinite loop. They’d just gotten home from a very brief stint in the US, and he’d meant to call her, really he head, but time got away from him. After dropping off their things at their respective flats, Dan had suggested a pub night to celebrate the start of a well-deserved vacation, or a successful mini-tour, or the upcoming release of their second album, or maybe just to send off 2015 a few weeks early. Honestly, Kyle had lost track of the reason several drinks ago, but regardless, he never could say no when Dan was excited and happy.  _

 

_ Running into his girlfriend at said pub had not been a part of the plan. _

 

_ Running into his girlfriend while his arm was draped over Dan’s shoulders and he was more than a little drunk had definitely not been a part of the plan.  _

 

_ His girlfriend of nearly two years just sighing and shaking her head before pulling him into the alleyway and breaking up with him had… not been as unexpected as he wished it was. Which was how he’d ended up here, still in the same alleway she’d left him in who knows how long ago, bottle of beer pinched between his fingers as he stared up at the cloudy night sky.  _

 

_ “That bad?”  _

 

_ Kyle squeezed his eyes shut as Dan’s voice echoed against the walls, only opening them when he realized that his bandmate was directly in front of him.  _

 

_ “Well, I certainly won’t be ring shopping any time soon, seeing as how she’s dumped me and all.” He replied dryly.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “No, you’re really not, are you?” Kyle retorted, more venom in his words than he intended. He exhaled sharply and shook his head. “No, ignore me. I’m just sad and bitter and lonely. I… I really thought we could make it work. You know?” _

 

_ “If you have to ‘make’ something work, it likely wasn’t meant to.” Dan pointed out, moving to lean against the brick wall next to Kyle.  _

 

_ “Sometimes you have to put effort into things. That’s part of loving someone and relationships and all that.” _

 

_ “And sometimes you have to recognize where things aren’t working, where they aren’t fitting together right, and walk away before it becomes a horrific mess.”  _

 

_ “I should just walk away, walk away, but it grips me.” Kyle sang at him, perfectly in tune if a bit mocking. _

 

_ “Yeah, and I let that one go, didn’t I?” Dan fired back. _

 

_ “Because you let your stress and fear about those few bad takes overwhelm you instead of trying to fix it--” _

 

_ “Because it hurt too much.” Dan cut him off, voice low and eyes glinting dangerously in the street lights. “Not because I didn’t want it to work.” _

 

_ Dan pushed off the wall at that, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked away. Kyle just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, head swimming until the sound of gentle singing tore through his thoughts. _

 

_ “Oh, it grips me, it grips me.” _


	4. Chapter 4

Kyle rubbed a towel over his hair as he stepped out of the tiny cubicle that was their tour bus’ bathroom. Woody and Will had long since showered and gone to bed, and Kyle was pretty sure Dan had showered at some point over the last three hours. From what Kyle could tell, they'd only just left the arena parking lot, their equipment bus had suffered a flat and they'd made the decision to travel together or not at all. The lights of the city flashed into the corridor of the sleeping area, and Kyle winced as he moved forward to tug the curtain a little tighter closed. His fingers were still on the thick fabric when a strange voice met his ears.

 

_ “Come on, then. My log does not judge.” _

 

Kyle allowed himself a moment to question his own sanity and debate going straight to bed before he let out a sigh and slipped through the curtain to tiptoe into the living area. Unsurprisingly, Dan was curled up on the bench, laptop in the curve of his stomach and head propped up on the arm of the bus’ couch. 

 

“Seriously, Dan? Already?” Kyle sighed, smiling fondly when Dan craned his neck to blink at him, taking out an earbud as he did.

 

“What? ‘S never a bad time for Twin Peaks.” He pushed his glasses up to rub at his eye. “Why’re you still up?”

 

“Couldn't sleep. Figured I'd shower then try again, but your log lady drew me in.” He gestured vaguely towards the small screen. Dan grinned, pushing himself up to lean on his elbow as he looked back at Kyle.

 

“Sorry. Thought I had my headphones in.” He frowned at the laptop, then tugged on the cord and frowned when he saw that no, it was not plugged in.

 

“It's alright. Woods and Will sleep like the dead anyway. Cmon, budge up.” Kyle crossed the small space to retrieve the exercise ball that had been rolling around their tour bus for as long as he could remember before returning to Dan’s side. Kyle took up the space Dan’s head had previously been occupying, propping his feet up on the ball as a makeshift footrest as Dan settled back in so he was laying with his head in Kyle’s lap. Kyle just sighed and grabbed the laptop, moving it so it was resting on his knees before resuming playback. 

 

“Alright, so what’s the deal with log lady again?” 

 

“Right, so. Laura Palmer, right?” Dan asked, shifting to look up at Kyle to ensure that he was paying attention before continuing. “And the cops want information about her death, and she’s been waiting for them to get their heads out of their arses and bloody ask her log, because her log knows things, Kyle. It knows.” He looked back up at Kyle, eyes serious through the lenses of his glasses. “Got it so far?”

 

“As much as I’ll ever get Twin Peaks.” Kyle teased lightly, hand moving to bury in Dan’s hair, running through the strands as he nodded. “The log knows things. Got it. Go on.” 

 

“The log knows things and she speaks for it, cause it’s actually the spirit of her dead husband, probably, but you can’t just ask the log things, you’ve got to be polite, so they’re having tea with her now.” Dan continued, gesturing towards the screen. Kyle just made the appropriate noises of understanding as Dan kept talking, fingers moving in a nonsensical pattern through Dan’s hair. It never ceased to shock him, how easy it was to run his fingers through the strands, how it was softer than it had any right to be considering the amount of product he had started using in recent days. It felt like coming home.

 

Realizing he hadn't been paying attention in the slightest to what Dan had actually been saying, Kyle cleared his throat and looked back at the screen, only for Dan to glance back up at him in concern.

 

“Alright?” He asked quietly, voice pitched lower than it had been when he was ranting about his beloved program.

 

Kyle just nodded, looking down at Dan with a soft grin. “Never better.”

 

/ / /

 

_ Kyle thought he was going to lose his mind. Their first night on their first ever tour bus, and he'd been tossing and turning for what seemed like years, crammed into the small bunk and surrounded by the echoes of Will’s snoring bouncing off the cheap walls, freezing in the poor heating of the bus. _

 

_ What was even more distracting was the constantly shifting sheets in the bunk underneath him, reminding him that he wasn't the only one still awake at that hour.  _

 

_ He bit his lip against the noise of frustration that threatened to escape his throat. They'd been dancing on the edge of ‘almost’ for months, and he got it, really he did, their music needed to come first, but at the same time, he thought they'd done perfectly fine with creating music in between his sheets, lyrics pouring out of Dan’s mouth like prayers, and yet. _

 

_ It had been well over a year since the night Kyle realized he was well on his way to falling in love with the weird musician with the funny hair who was half-naked in his bed. Well over a year since that night when he'd fallen asleep underneath Dan only to be awoken by the sound of their lives beginning in the chords of ‘Icarus’ playing through his radio. _

 

_ He hadn't expected feelings to come into play, no matter how beautiful Dan was when he was coming undone, or how happy even texting the vocalist had made him, and yet. _

 

_ Well over a year later, he was still lying awake, thinking of the man underneath him and wondering what thoughts were keeping him awake.  _

 

_ “Kyle?” Dan’s voice was hushed but still cut through Kyle like a shot in the relative silence of the bus. _

 

_ “Go to sleep, Dan. Big day tomorrow.” He replied after a moment’s debate of whether or not to pretend he was sleeping. _

 

_ “Should say the same to you.” _

 

_ “Too bloody cold to sleep.” Kyle tried. He immediately regretted his choice of excuse when the rustling got louder and then Dan’s messy hair was coming into view. _

 

_ “Budge over.” Dan muttered, Kyle’s only warning before he found himself with a face full of tiger print. He pulled the fabric away from his face in time to see Dan climbing into his bunk. He clearly misjudged the amount of space he'd have as he ended up with hands on either side Kyle’s hips, their faces mere inches away from each other's for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever before Dan was twisting away so he was half-draped across Kyle, half-tucked into his side. _

 

_ “Dan?” He asked after a moment, voice hoarse and unsure. _

 

_ “‘M cold, too. No point in us being cold and insomniatic when we can just. Pick one.” Dan explained, muffled from where his face was pressed into Kyle’s neck. “I'm too nervous.” He confessed after a moment. “Tonight went alright, but tomorrow could be awful. And the lyrics are all jumbled in my brain, like snakes hissing in my mind, keeping me awake.” _

 

_ Kyle sighed, bringing a hand up to bury in Dan’s hair, not moving, simply resting there as they both breathed in the darkness. His stomach wasn't turning like he expected it to, and his heartbeat was surprisingly steady even with Dan pressed against him in the small space. _

 

_ “It's going to be fine. We’ve got a good thing going, our little group. And you're bloody amazing out there. Honestly I don't know how you manage to hit those notes night after night and yet. You do. You don't need to worry so much.” Kyle shifted his head, no more than a fraction of an inch, and ended up with his lips pressed to the top of Dan’s head in something that wasn't quite a kiss. _

 

_ Dan didn't respond, but his breathing didn't even out, either, leaving them both to drown in their thoughts until the morning light. _

 

_ When Dan untangled himself from Kyle's arms and climbed down the bunk without so much as a word, Kyle pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, trying to make sense of whatever his head was doing.  _

 

_ Well over a year later, and yet. _

 

_ Being close to Dan didn't hurt as much as he thought it should. _


	5. Chapter 5

Three venues into the tour and Kyle was no closer to figuring out the hidden meaning behind the setlist. He was positive there was one, there had to be, it was Dan for crying out loud, but as Will started them off with a solid baseline and as his fingers moved over the synths, waiting for his cue, he found himself more lost than ever. He looked over at Dan, who was downing what he could of his water bottle, back turned to the audience but eyes entirely fixed on Kyle and all he could do was wonder what he was missing. 

 

He remembered the night Dan had laid out his plans for this song in particular, hands waving excitedly as he worked through the vocals, trying to create the sound of what would later be trumpets. Kyle could remember giving Will hell about the line “close these green eyes”, locked in battle as they had been for years over the color of Dan’s eyes, only for the vocalist to mutter that it was a metaphor. Which made sense in the context of the song, of course, but he never could wrap his head around what had inspired such an amazing song about such an ugly feeling. He had spent years coming to terms with Dan-the-Frontman replacing Dan-the-... well. There wasn’t really a word for what he had been. Dan-the-Almost, then. 

 

Kyle could still remember the early days of the band, could remember nights that had turned into mornings while they brainstormed ideas for their first album or talked over their upcoming record deal. He could remember waking up curled up with Dan on Will’s couch, pages and notebooks squashed between their bodies, forgotten in the night. He could remember waiting, thinking if they could only overcome their next hurdle, then they could pick up where they’d left off. He could remember waking up one morning and realizing that the hurdles would never stop. Their lives, their careers had been spiraling from the moment they recorded that initial single. And Dan-the-Frontman hadn’t taken so much as a day off since the night they’d first heard ‘Icarus’ on the radio. It had still taken Kyle nearly two years to jump back into the dating scene, and he had to admit that his heart hadn’t entirely been in any of those attempts. He never once blamed the girls for walking away, having almost resigned himself to it after spending nearly every waking moment with his ‘almost’. 

 

Kyle’s mind was snapped back to the present with the sound of erupting cheers, and he quickly rubbed a hand over his face when he realized how unfocused he’d been through the entirety of their opening song. He’d managed to play the music, obviously, or Charlie would have thrown something at him, or Dan would have likely stopped the whole thing. As it was, Dan was only giving him a slightly curious look before he was turning around on the stage again, signaling the start of their next song. 

 

There was something almost cathartic about playing this song in front of thousands of people, with watching Dan sing his heart out in a ballad he’d written when he was nothing more than a dreamer and Kyle was nothing more than a drifter, feeling lost in the world and completely without purpose until the guy with wide eyes and funny hair had taken his hand and shown him what he’d been missing his entire life. His lips quirked into a brief smile, brain overcome with memories of drunkenly singing these very lyrics to the vocalist across the stage. The smile must have been audible in his harmonies, because Dan turned suddenly towards him, gaze searching even as he began singing the second verse. 

 

Kyle could remember a time when his heart would have skipped a beat, no, soared when Dan's eyes met his own, their voices combining to bring life to the ballad of Laura Palmer. But where he once would have assumed it to be a teasing sparkle in Dan's eyes, a promise of what could be, he now saw it for what it was, could tell that glint was more of Dan needing reassurance than anything else. 

 

All it was was all it ever was, which was business as usual.

 

/ / /

 

 

_ “And we are in business!” Dan cheered as he pressed the ‘End Call’ button, face flushed with elation. _

 

_ “So, we’re in? We’re actually going to record some of this nonsense?” Will asked, excitement already showing on his face as well. _

 

_ “We’ve got the studio for an hour.” Dan confirmed. Woody fist-pumped the air, and even Kyle couldn’t deny the surge of energy he was feeling about the whole thing.  _

 

_ “Operation Start-a-Band is a success!” Woody all-but shouted, ignoring the pillow Will chucked at him in response. _

 

_ “I’ve got neighbors, you know?” _

 

_ “Who cares, we’re a bloody band! It’s happening, we’re going to release an amazing single, people will be throwing buckets of money at us, we can afford a noise complaint!” He tossed the pillow back at Will, who managed to catch it with his face.  _

 

_ “One thing, though.” Dan spoke up, frowning suddenly. Kyle swore he could get whiplash from this man’s emotions, constantly cycling from manic highs to sudden solemnity. It was one of the things he adored about the other, even as confused as he was about where exactly they stood. It had been weeks since he’d drunkenly joined the band, but they still hadn’t talked about that night, and-- _

 

_ “What one thing?” Will asked warily. _

 

_ “Well, we’ve been playing pubs and all that, and it’s been brilliant, but. We sort of need to come up with a name. So we can book the studio again, release music, start working on social media, all that.” Dan shrugged, discomfort written all over his features.  _

 

_ “C’mon, you’ve named like a million songs by now. A band name can’t be that hard for you.” Kyle nudged him gently.  _

 

_ “Songs are songs, this is… it’s an identity. It’s not just a name, it’s… it’s who we’re going to be. Forever.” Dan’s eyes were serious when he looked back at Kyle, but he shook his head and looked away before Kyle could say anything in response. “So. This needs to be a group effort. I can’t… I can’t do it on my own. It’s too much pressure.”  _

 

_ “Dan and the Smiths.” Will helpfully tossed out, seemingly unperturbed by Dan’s sudden shift in mood.  _

 

_ “Smiths and Chips.” Woody frowned, looking down at his stomach. “Oi, you know we haven’t eaten a bloody thing all day, right?” _

 

_ “Focus, man. We’ll eat once we’re named.” Will swatted at him.  _

 

_ “And I’m going to keep suggesting food names until Dan gets the subliminal message and lets us get food.”  _

 

_ “That’s a terrible plan, you know he’s got an ironclad resolve.”  _

 

_ “Yeah, what would you do?” Woody fired back.  _

 

_ “...if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor ‘cause he’s hungry.” Kyle hummed, surprised when Dan threw in a harmony on the final word. He glanced over at the other only to see an unreadable look in his eyes, something that was starting to become familiar at this point.  _

 

_ “Great. Another one that thinks in song lyrics. Meanwhile, the poor sap who actually gives you people a rhythm is withering away to nothing…” Woody moaned, throwing himself on the ground dramatically.  _

 

_ “We should cover that sometime. It would be good. Fun.” Dan said, eyes still fixed on Kyle as though Woody hadn’t said a word.  _

 

_ “We could definitely make something interesting out of it. You’re pretty good at that.” Kyle agreed with a slight grin. He swore he could see something that was almost a flush crawling up the other’s neck, but Dan quickly scratched at the skin there and looked back over at Woody.  _

 

_ “Fine. But we’re going to brainstorm over food. We really need to get this settled.” Dan sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and letting out a noise of discontent when his fingers bumped his glasses. “I was thinking something like… Sleepsong, maybe?” _

 

_ “That’s… nice. I like it.” Kyle nodded encouragingly.  _

 

_ “Sure, if we’re writing lullabies. That’s a solid indie name, but. It’s kinda soft, isn't it?” Will asked.  _

 

_ “What about Icarus in Flight?” Kyle suggested after a moment’s thought.  _

 

_ “Then fans would call us ‘if’ and do we really wanna be that? Long band names always get shortened. Gotta think of that stuff.” Will tapped his head.  _

 

_ “Oi, Danny boy. Not a chance you’ve got that card on you, is there?” Woody called from the kitchen. Kyle furrowed his brow in confusion and looked over to Dan for an explanation as to what the hell their drummer was talking about.  _

 

_ “The takeaway place down the street. We’ve been going there for ages, and they send me a card every year.” He shrugged, shifting in obvious discomfort.  _

 

_ “Owner’s French, right? He found out Dan’s birthday and thought it was bloody brilliant. Called him a ‘fillies of the bastille’ or something crazy like that.” _

 

_ “Fils de la Bastille! Means son of the bastille.” Will corrected, vague outrage evident at Woody’s butchered attempt at the language.  _

 

_ “Whatever. We’re his favorite customers now and he always sends Dan a gift certificate a little before his birthday.” Woody explained, returning to the room to lean against the doorframe.  _

 

_ “When’s your birthday?” Kyle asked, feeling somehow more lost than he had been before Woody had answered his unvoiced question.  _

 

_ “July 14. Bastille day.” Dan groaned, letting his head hit the back of the couch. “I was trying not to think about that, thanks, Woody. I’m gonna be bloody twenty-five. A quarter of a century and I’ve done nothing with my life but gotten a degree I’m not going to do anything with and--” _

 

_ “--started a pretty great band.” Kyle cut him off with a swat to his knee. “You’re not that much older than me, you know? And we’ve got plenty of time. We’ll go platinum before you’re thirty, just watch.”  _

 

_ “Not before I’m thirty, though. God, you kids are so young.” Will groaned, stretching his arms and wincing dramatically when one of his joints popped. “Seriously, mate, twenty five isn’t so bad. Treasure twenty five.” _

 

_ “Right? This kid’s over here complaining about twenty five when some of us are approaching actual old age.” Woody shook his head.  _

 

_ “You’re only a year older than me, you wanker.” Dan retorted, rolling his eyes. He froze suddenly, and Kyle could see the gears turning in his head as he processed some thought that was likely a stroke of pure genius, as his thoughts so often were. “There’s something. Something in that.”  _

 

_ “In old men?” Will frowned. _

 

_ “No, no. Before that. Rewind.” _

 

_ “Going platinum?” Kyle asked. Dan waved his hand, so Kyle tried again. “Uh, fillies?” _

 

_ “Fils!” Will corrected. “And no. We are not going to call ourselves anything in French if you’re all going to butcher it so brilliantly.” _

 

_ “Bastille?” Kyle said softly, watching Dan’s eyes close and his face pull down into a tight frown.  _

 

_ “Now that’s got a ring to it. Short, concise. Means something because it invokes the whole ‘ _ _ Vive la Vie, Vive la République’ thing. But also, it’s a reference to our Danny boy.” Will nodded slowly.  _

 

_ “If I agree to this band name will you please stop speaking French?” Woody asked, eyes widening suddenly. “Shit, I’m still on the phone with the takeaway people!” He ran back into the kitchen, shouting back over his shoulder quickly. “It’s got my vote!” _

 

_ Kyle reached out to place a hand on Dan’s knee, concerned that the other’s eyes were still closed, brow furrowed in concentration. His expression shifted the moment Kyle’s hand touched his knee though, and he opened a single eye to look back at him. Kyle wasn’t sure what he was waiting for or expecting, so he just said the suggested name again.  _

 

_ “Bastille.” Not a question, a statement.  _

 

_ Kyle didn’t think he would ever get tired of being the cause for that brilliant smile. _


	6. Chapter 6

 

The thing about being on tour was that they all became very grateful for having their own space wherever they could find it. Living out of each other’s back pockets wasn’t so bad, they all got along fairly well, but it was still nice to spread out, do their own thing every now and again. Which was how they’d ended up at a Starbucks off the highway between venues, spread out in various parts of the shop. 

 

Kyle had found one of the small high-top tables in the corner, where he’d taken his order so he could sit and breathe for a few minutes, headphones muting out the rest of the world. His fingers moved along the chords of the song, his subconscious unable to escape his work even for a moment. 

 

His eyes followed Dan as he chatted up the cashier, smiling tiredly and nodding along with whatever the girl was saying. Will was on the other end of the bar, talking to the girl who’d made their drinks. Kyle wasn’t sure what he was saying, but judging by the look on his face it was probably about-- and yep, he was pulling out his phone and showing the poor girl a picture. He was definitely talking about his girlfriend. He noted the almost disappointed look on the girl’s face, but she was still talking to him, so it couldn’t have gone badly, he supposed. Woody had claimed one of the couches on the other side of the shop and he, Charlie and Tom were locked in heated debate about what Kyle assumed was the drink they’d both ordered, an ostentatious neon thing that he wasn’t entirely convinced was safe for human consumption. Other crew members were spread through the room, and Kyle couldn’t help but snort when he realized they were the only patrons of the establishment. Fortunately, they were all fairly good tippers, and he’d like to think they were relatively enjoyable company to have, even tired as they all were. 

 

Kyle returned his gaze to the slip of receipt paper in front of him, which he’d nicked from Woody shortly before their first show. Dan’s familiar scrawl was almost taunting him, but no matter how many times he read it, he still couldn’t make heads or tails of what they were playing. 

 

The chorus picked up again, the harsh guitar chords almost mocking him even as his fingers continued to move. He was so wrapped up in the music, he didn’t notice Dan approaching until he was sitting in the chair across from him and reaching out to pluck out one of his headphones. He didn’t speak, just pressed the bud to his own ear before fixing Kyle with a questioning look. 

 

“Don’t pin it all on me.” Dan sang along softly, a slight teasing smirk on his lips. “Are you really listening to our album?”

 

“It’s a good album.” Kyle said defensively, reaching down to pause the track before looking at Dan again. “Just. Making sure I’ve got the set down for tonight, is all.”

 

“We’ve played it several times already. Think you’ve got it down just fine.” Dan retorted, reaching out to take a sip of the cold, sugary beverage Kyle had ordered. 

 

Kyle just raised his eyebrow as his gaze met Dan’s, neither of them willing to concede so much as an inch. Finally, he sighed and looked away, giving a brief shrug. “I’m trying to figure it out. There’s something there, I know there is. I know you, Dan, and I know there’s...something.” He finished lamely.

 

Dan’s expression was unreadable when he looked back at Kyle, but he eventually gave a small smile. “Well. Let me know if you figure it out, yeah?”

 

Kyle wanted to scream, wanted to reach out, grab Dan by the face and demand that he spell it out for him, but he knew that wasn’t Dan’s way. He was hit with a pang of nostalgia, reminded of a time when he had thousands of questions as to what they were, as to what they’d done, and he and Dan had danced around each other for weeks, speaking in a language of double-meanings all while Kyle nearly drove himself mad trying to separate fantasies and dreams from drunken memories. It was strange, almost unsettling, but Dan was smiling at him and there was nothing but fondness there, so he decided it wouldn’t be bad, trying to slip back into the words from back then. 

 

“When. When I figure it out.” He corrected quietly. Dan looked like he wanted to say something else, but they were interrupted by the sound of Woody’s outrage. 

 

“How do Americans drink this shit? Unicorn, my ass.” 

 

/ / /

 

_ Bad Blood. _

 

_ The number one album in the UK. _

 

_ Kyle couldn’t believe it, well, he could, Dan’s music was amazing and when the four of them played together, something magical happened. But still, it was bloody incredible, and they were celebrating in the pub down the street from Will’s flat.  _

 

_ “Anyone know where Will’s fucked off to?” Woody asked, voice almost drowned out by the noise of the room around them.  _

 

_ “Said he had an idea and disappeared.” Kyle shouted in response. “Think he just went to bed, too much excitement for him.”  _

 

_ “Hey, he wants to celebrate with sleep, more power to him. We did it!” Woody cheered before disappearing back into the crowd. Kyle looked over to where Dan was sitting next to him in the booth, a weirdly peaceful expression on his face.  _

 

_ “You alright?” Kyle asked, moving closer so he could be heard. Dan looked up in surprise at him, as though he didn’t even realize he was there, but he gave a quick nod in response.  _

 

_ “Just. Taking it all in.” He replied, fingers curling around his drink. They’d been celebrating for what felt like years, drinking and eating their body weight in beer and pub food, and it was glorious. It didn’t surprise him that Dan was in a weird headspace, that seemed to be happening more and more frequently these days, but he still wanted to help. So the hand that wasn’t holding a beer moved to encircle Dan’s shoulders, keeping him pulled close to Kyle’s side.  _

 

_ “We did it.” Kyle repeated, barely audible as his lips formed the words over and over again.  _

 

_ “We’re not done, yet.” Dan replied almost absent-mindedly. “We’ve got loads more we’ve got to do. Touring, more albums. This is just the beginning. Our beginning.” _

 

_ “These, Daniel. These are the days that bind us. Together. Forever.” He said in mock solemnity before his face broke out into a grin, warmth running through him as Dan bent over in laughter.  _

 

_ “No, don’t make fun of it. That song got us where we are.” _

 

_ “I wasn’t making fun of it!” Kyle protested. “Besides. All our songs got us where we are. Your songs.” _

 

_ “Our songs.” Dan corrected with a grin before his head tilted back, leaning against where Kyle’s arm was still slung over his shoulders. He reached up absently, twisted the ring on Kyle’s thumb for a moment before his hand was returning to his drink, as though the moment had never happened at all. “I meant what I said, you know?” _

 

_ Kyle’s brow furrowed in confusion as he leaned closer, worried he’d misheard, or missed some sort of conversation bit that would give him context as to what Dan was saying. “What you said?”  _

 

_ “I don’t want to do this without you. Don’t think I can.” The words were so quiet that Kyle almost missed them, and he glanced down at Dan. Dan who was looking at him with the most earnest, open expression he’d ever seen.  _

 

_ “Yeah, well. You don’t have to. You’ve got me.” Kyle finally said, giving Dan a brief squeeze before releasing him. “A little late for me to get cold feet now, isn’t it? Besides, I meant what I said, too.” _

 

_ “What you said?” Dan parroted back, the slightest hint of confusion on his features.  _

 

_ “Yeah.” Kyle had to look away, taking a drink of his beer to sooth his throat that had suddenly gone dry at the intensity in that look. “Every word.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image found here: https://lady-icarus-in-flight.tumblr.com/post/161831867610/for-anyone-whos-read-pulling-me-back-and-was
> 
> Also, that is my tumblr if you want to say hi! Now accepting prompts for more Dyle!


	7. Chapter 7

“You’ve got a lot of great footage so far. It’ll be cool to see what you put together for us.” Dan said, clapping Tom on the shoulder before walking away from where he was working on the video compilations they were doing for their North American tour. Kyle had to admit, it was pretty cool having their longtime friend on tour with them, capturing moments that they could enjoy themselves but also share with their fans. It certainly wasn’t something he would have thought they would do when they were first starting out, but to be fair, there weren’t many magical moments in their initial touring. There were pubs with terrible lighting, festivals where they felt completely overwhelmed with the sheer size of where they were performing, countless breakdowns from each of their members as they started moving towards fame. 

 

Kyle met Dan’s gaze over his synth, where he’d been setting up before their soundcheck. Dan had that look of nostalgia on his face, and it didn’t surprise him that their thoughts were so closely aligned. Years of touring with Dan had made him grow accustomed to that wavelength they seemed to share, and those years had taught him how to genuinely enjoy those moments instead of wallowing in the misery of what could have been. Dan fiddled with his ear piece as they prepared for soundcheck, eyes meeting Kyle’s as he did. He offered a small, almost shy smile, which Kyle didn’t hesitate to return. He waited for Dan to turn away before he started playing a few chords on the synth, more out of boredom than anything else. 

 

“We can only do our best to recreate…” Dan sang as he moved closer, tapping the top of Kyle’s keyboard with a finger. “You don’t play during that bit.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know the notes and can’t play those. I’m just warming up, don’t worry about me messing with your song.”

 

“Our song.” Dan corrected almost instantly. He fixed Kyle with a look at that. “It’s good, though. You’re really good at… picking things up.”

 

“Kind of the whole reason you wanted me to join your band, remember?” Kyle teased lightly in response. He didn’t miss the subtle flinch, the way Dan hesitantly rocked forward before stepping back again, putting some distance between them.

 

“Something like that.” His expression fell before he forced a smile. Something in Kyle’s chest twisted at the sight, and not for the first time he found himself wondering what exactly he was missing. 

 

Kyle felt like he’d spent the better part of six years watching Dan, but somehow that had been dialed up on this latest tour. He knew he had to tread carefully, knew that the idea of falling in love with Dan all over again was dangerous. He could remember how many years it had taken to come to terms with those feelings, could remember how hard it had been to reach that point of happiness despite how apparent it was that Dan didn’t return those feelings. And while that hadn’t exactly been alright in the first year or so, he’d reached a peace with it by the time their album had debuted and they’d started actually touring. He genuinely was happy, simply by being Dan’s friend, by being his bandmate, by being his late-night confidant and early morning cheerleader. It was good, it worked.

 

But sometimes, like now, when Dan looked at him across the stage, eyes dancing as they started their soundcheck, it made it very difficult to remember why he wasn’t letting himself fall in love again.

 

/ / /

 

_ Waking up alone on Will’s couch when he’d fallen asleep on Dan’s shoulder really shouldn’t have been a shock. They’d been in this band thing for months, had a single out, had just finished recording their Laura Palmer EP, they’d almost fallen into a routine. And as much as he wished that part of that routine included waking up tangled with Dan, exchanging sloppy kisses and sleepy handjobs or whatever else they wanted to do, he was getting used to the idea that none of that was on the table any longer.  _

 

_ Kyle groaned and reached for his phone, squinting against the harsh light of the screen until he could make out what time it was. Not that it mattered, he’d already decided what he was doing the second he realized he was alone. He grabbed his discarded jacket off the coffee table, then headed outside so he could make his way to the roof of the flat. Unsurprisingly, Dan was stretched out against the roof tiles, arms folded behind his head acting as support as he stared up at the sky.  _

 

_ “It’s four am.” Kyle said as he hoisted himself the rest of the way up, crawling carefully until he was lying next to the other. “Couldn’t sleep?” _

 

_ “Didn’t want to. How can you sleep on a night like this?” Dan asked, not looking at Kyle as he spoke.  _

 

_ Kyle just let out a huff, dropping the jacket on top of Dan’s torso before propping himself up on his elbows so he could look up at the night sky. Admittedly, it was a beautifully clear night, with the stars visible as though to spite the ordinarily cloudy weather.  _

_ “It is beautiful, isn’t it?” Kyle asked quietly, gaze drawn over to the other.  _

 

_ “That’s Ursa Minor.” Dan continued, as though Kyle had never spoken at all. Reluctantly, Kyle followed the path of the other’s extended hand, staring at the sky.  _

 

_ “That’s… definitely not Ursa Minor. Cygnus, actually.” _

 

_ “Well, it could be. If you squint and tilt your head a bit, it almost looks like a bear. Constellations are all made up anyway.” Dan laughed, a full body thing that made him curl in on himself even in his outstretched position.  _

 

_ Kyle just watched him for a moment, completely enraptured by the sight of the stars reflected in his eyes, the usual lines of stress on his features missing completely and replaced with a look of absolute contentment. His eyes widened as realization washed over him, and unfortunately Dan chose that moment to look over at him.  _

 

_ “What?” He asked, brow furrowing in confusion. _

 

_ ‘I love you’ Kyle thought, but didn’t say, choosing instead to just shrug. “You look happy.” He settled for instead. _

 

_ “I love being out here. There’s something peaceful about just watching the stars, you know? Gives me a moment to just… be. Nothing else matters but… this.” Dan replied quietly, returning his gaze to the stars.  _

 

_ “I can understand that.” Kyle replied, forcing himself to look away. Later, when they’ve both climbed back down and situated themselves on Will’s couch, Kyle will mouth the phrase again to himself, figure out how the words will feel on his lips and tongue. But in that moment, he found himself genuinely agreeing. Nothing else mattered but this. _


	8. Chapter 8

Kyle’s favorite part of touring a country as big as the US was that they got to make several stops along the way. They were in between venues and had stopped off for the night in some town that might have been in the southern bits of the US? Kyle had lost track of where they were geographically days ago, but with a cold beer in his hand in a seedy bar seemingly in the middle of nowhere, he didn’t particularly care. Bars weren’t usually Dan’s thing, but they’d managed to drag him out for the night, and even he was bobbing his head along with the music and chatting amiably with some of the people in the crowded space. Woody had stumbled off nearly an hour ago, presumably to drunkenly call the missus, and Will and Charlie were bickering over music with Tom at the bar near the jukebox. Kyle, however, had somehow found himself in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, weaving between the drunken bodies as best as he could. 

 

Eventually he gave up on attempting any sort of path, letting himself get pulled into dancing with some redhead. She was pretty enough, although completely plastered, and as it was, their dancing was little more than awkward movements and simply enjoying each other’s company. He didn’t ask for her name, and she didn’t offer one, just throwing her head back and laughing as a new song came on. Kyle grabbed her hand and spun her around, keeping his beer close to his chest with his other hand while he swayed to the beat. His eyes wandered around the bar, taking note of each crew or band member as he saw them, but his gaze froze when it met Dan’s from across the bar. What happiness had previously been in the singer’s expression had apparently vanished, and instead his face was drawn into a tight frown as he downed the rest of his drink before getting up from the table. 

 

“You alright?” The girl asked, drawing his attention away from Dan for a moment. 

 

“Yeah, all’s good.” He nodded absent-mindedly, trying to find Dan in the crowd again. His search ended when the other pushed past him, knocking their shoulders together in something that was almost aggression before storming out the door, and Kyle let out a string of curses.

 

“Sorry, I’d better--”

 

“Don’t sweat it, darlin. You wanna dance again, I’ll be around.” She winked before giving him a gentle push towards the exit. Kyle didn’t bother answering, just downed his own drink and chucked it in one of the bins by the door before stumbling after Dan in the warm night. It wasn’t long before he caught up to the other, and he reached out a hand to his shoulder to stop him in his tracks.

 

“You alright?” He asked, but his hand fell away when Dan turned to face him.

 

“I’m fine. Just fuck off, alright?” He roughly shrugged off Kyle’s hand before turning to walk away again, but Kyle was quicker, moving in front of him to stop him in his tracks.

 

“Hold on just a minute. What’s wrong?”

 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s just me, you know how my head gets, just leave it.” Dan’s eyes flickered dangerously in the street lights, forcing Kyle to take a step back with the intensity in the other’s gaze. 

 

“Yeah, I know how your head gets, and this isn’t it. What the fuck is your problem?”

 

“How can you just be out there, dancing like everything’s fine when it’s not? We’re in the middle of one of the biggest tours of our career, we should be working, not--”

 

“We’re all just as nervous as you are, you know. But believe it or not, this is actually good. It’s good to get drunk and let loose and take a moment to not be consumed by it all. Your mind and body need a break. There’s nothing wrong with having a good time. And… I thought you were having fun, too, for a minute there.”

 

“And I thought you were figuring it out. Guess we’re both wrong.” 

 

Kyle froze at the harsh tone in Dan’s words, head swimming from the beer and the heat and whatever it was Dan was trying to tell him. 

 

“Is… is this about the girl? I didn’t know her, she was just teaching me some two-step thing. It wasn’t anything--”

 

“It never is.” Dan exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Don’t… don’t listen to me. I’ve drank too much and--”

 

“I always listen to you! But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Because every time you open your mouth it’s lyrics and poetry and the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard, but you never bloody well say what you mean, and Dan, you know I’m here, and I’ve got you, but it drives me absolutely mad trying to figure out what’s going on in your head. Years! Years you’ve been talking in double meanings and innuendos and metaphors, and I just.” Kyle took a deep breath before letting it out, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I’ve spent this whole tour trying to figure out what’s going on with you. I’ve obsessed over that damn set list, and I’ve tried, I’ve really tried to speak your language, but I don’t understand it. Any of it. And as much as I’m your best friend, and as much as we talk, and as much as I’m there for you… it’s like you’re never actually saying anything. And I’m sorry, but I just… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stand not knowing.” Kyle rubbed a hand over his face before turning away, remembering another time when he’d said those words, of another day in a different street when he was trying to figure out where he and Dan stood. He supposed it was fitting, given how little things had changed. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“It’s how I feel.” Dan’s voice stopped him in his tracks, the same way it always did. He didn’t turn, though, just stood in the street and waited. 

 

“The songs, they’re… they’re how I feel. How I’ve felt.” Dan repeated himself, voice growing a little more confident even though he made no move to step closer. As much as he was explaining himself, and honestly, this was the closest they’d come to talking about...anything in the six years they’d been in this band together, it still felt like empty words, like something to assuage the storm that had built without actually explaining anything at all. 

 

Kyle wondered how many times the phrase ‘I love you’ would be born in his mind only to die in his throat. He’d lost count, and he supposed that adding one more instance wouldn’t really hurt that much more in the long run. His lips still formed the words, though, even as he walked away. 

 

The next day found their group piling onto the bus, each nursing various degrees of hangovers, and Dan wearing the sheriff’s badge Woody had bought him years ago as the understood symbol of a state of vocal rest. He was curled up on the couch, nursing what Kyle hoped was a cup of tea and not the horrid coffee concoctions he liked. His gaze lifted from the cup as Kyle boarded the bus, and even through the obvious exhaustion, Kyle could see apologies pouring out of his eyes. Kyle sighed as he moved to sit next to the other, ever aware of the fact that Dan’s eyes never left his face, even as he reached out to rest a hand on Dan’s knee. He didn’t speak, his own head screaming with the combination of lack of sleep and the splitting headache that always seemed to accompany his hangovers. 

 

When he finally looked over to Dan, he hoped his expression was conveying what he was feeling; a mash-up of  _ ‘I’m sorry, too’ _ and  _ ‘I’ve still got you’. _ They sat there in silence while the others filed into the bus, going straight for the bunk area to try to sleep through the next leg of their journey. It wasn’t until the bus lurched as it pulled out of their parking space that Dan hesitantly reached up to cover Kyle’s hand with his own, and Kyle allowed himself to get pulled into the warmth of the other’s grip. Yeah, he was starting to get it. He just didn’t know where they would go from where they were.

 

/ / /

 

_ They were barely through the door of his flat before he was kissing Dan, mindful of the other kicking the door closed behind them just before Kyle backed him against the same door, hands clutching desperately at the other’s hips. Dan’s hands came up to the back of Kyle’s hair as he returned the kiss eagerly, fingers tugging harshly at the strands and pulling a noise from Kyle’s throat that was definitely not a whimper.  _

 

_ “No idea how I made it through the last bit at the studio.” He admitted against Dan’s lips, shifting away so he could bite a path down Dan’s throat, lips turning up into a grin at the noises he got in response.  _

 

_ “We only had one song left to record after our impromptu break.” Dan replied breathlessly, tilting his head back to give Kyle better access. “I would have killed you if you mucked it up.” _

 

_ “Never would have played the thing through at all if we hadn’t gotten it settled. Really, it’s for the good of the band.” Kyle pulled away to retort before returning to his previous task of sucking a mark into the pulse point on Dan’s neck. Whatever Dan was going to say was lost in the sound of his responding moan, and Kyle took that as permission to shift his grip lower, pressing them closer and rolling their hips together just as he moved back to claim Dan’s lips in a kiss. Dan’s fingers tightened in his hair, and Kyle let out a quiet groan as he repeated the motion, noting how Dan’s breath hitched when he did. It felt like anytime Dan opened his mouth, the most beautiful sound in the world would escape it, whether it was a breathless moan or a future-song. It was addicting, and he wanted to hear all of it, every noise, every note, anything and everything Dan would give him, he would take gladly.  _

 

_ His hands moved lower again, fingers spreading over Dan’s thighs before tugging him up. Dan got the memo fairly quickly, wrapping his own legs around Kyle’s waist and using the leverage of his back against the door to roll their hips together again.  _

 

_ Kyle wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way, making out like teenagers against the wood of his door, but it felt like no time at all had passed before Dan was breaking away from the kiss with a moan, his whole body shaking with the aftershock. Kyle followed him shortly after, Dan’s names rolling off his lips like a litany as light exploded behind his eyes. It should have been embarrassing, coming in his pants, but he was still floating on a cloud of endorphins, so he couldn’t bring himself to care, even as he lowered them to the ground, hands still on Dan’s thighs and moving in nonsensical patterns.  _

 

_ “One day…” Dan trailed off, clearing his throat as he removed his hands from Kyle’s hair to brush over the scruff of his beard, thumb brushing over his lips almost thoughtfully. _

 

_ “One day?” Kyle prompted quietly. _

 

_ “One day, we’re going to manage to do this properly. In a bed, no pants.” He grinned, shifting to press a kiss to Kyle’s temple. _

 

_ “We were wearing pants last time, weren’t we?” Kyle groaned in dismay, thoughts swimming as he tried to piece together exactly what had happened on that night so many weeks ago.  _

 

_ “You took mine mostly off when you sucked me off. But other than that, yeah. Far too much clothing.” Dan laughed, still breathless from what they’d been doing. _

 

_ “Wait, I did what now?” Kyle held a hand up before Dan could answer. “I’m not mad that it happened, just mad that I don’t remember it. But there’s always next time, right? That ‘one day’ of yours?” He tried to keep his tone light, not wanting to show just how badly he wanted there to be a next time in their future. _

 

_ Dan’s expression was unreadable as he looked back at Kyle, but his eyes were soft when he finally gave a brief smile. “I’d certainly hope so.” _


	9. Chapter 9

There was something about watching Dan wander through the crowds as he sang ‘Flaws’ that made Kyle’s heart clench unpleasantly in his chest. He still managed to play, knowing better than to miss so much as a note while Dan wasn’t on stage to glare at him, but he still found his gaze following Dan’s form through the mass of people gathered at the front of the stage. For all his anxiety and stress, he wasn’t wearing much of it tonight, face completely relaxed even as he met Kyle’s gaze across the arena. He smiled into the notes he was hitting, finishing up the song so he could climb back on the stage.

“Alright?” He asked, out of breath already.

“Don’t miss your cue.” Kyle just grinned and shook his head, throwing a towel at the other. Their set had been full of moments like this, stolen between songs, and for once, it wasn’t painful. It was good, to look over at Dan and know that the other was already looking at him. It reminded him of the past, of playing songs he was still learning and looking to Dan for guidance, only to find Dan gazing over at him, light and happiness shining in his eyes. He glanced away, pretending to focus on the setlist on the ground. Somehow they’d already gotten to the Twitter poll pick of the night, which for what felt like the millionth venue in a row was ‘The Anchor’.

It was a great song. Kyle had fallen in love with it the moment he’d heard Dan humming it nearly three years ago, and once Dan had actually put lyrics to the song, it was impossible not to get emotionally invested in it. He’d wondered, once, who Dan was singing to when he wrote the song. But when the singer looked over to him again, their gazes locking as they worked through the harmonies of the chorus, he found he wasn’t wondering any longer.

* * *

The next day found them wandering through the city they’d been playing in, a cute historic thing they were all thoroughly enjoying despite how hot as it was. Kyle was less than enthused at the idea of going out on the boat-- “Dan, that’s the ocean. There are sharks in the ocean. Why would I want to be near that?”-- but all Dan had to do was give him that pleading look and Kyle was trudging across the narrow board and onto the sea vessel that definitely wouldn’t survive an attack from Jaws.

He’d put himself on the seat in the center of the boat, directly in front of the captain’s cab-room-place, and far enough away from any of the edges that he wouldn’t have to worry about seeing any fins or other signs of sharks. Tom had been recording nearly the whole time until Woody threatened to throw all his recording equipment overboard, so they had moved to the back of the boat, going on about some video they’d watched and generally causing a ruckus that Kyle had no desire to be a part of.

Dan, though. Dan was directly at the front of the boat, hands on the joint of the rails, eyes closed with his face tilted up towards the sun.

Kyle took a deep breath before pushing to his feet, moving to stand behind the other. After a moment, his hands come up to rest on the railing on either side of Dan, bracketing him in without actually bringing their bodies in contact with each other.

“Don’t fly too close to the sun. I’m not sure if I could bring you back.”

“They always tell Icarus’ story as a warning not to fly too high. They forget that Daedalus also warned him not to drift too low, or else the spray of the sea would dampen his wings and drag him down to the depths.” Dan’s voice was quiet, but Kyle could hear the slight smile in the other’s tone.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. I’d dive in after you. I’ve got you, remember? I got you, I got you.” He sang the last words quietly, trying to keep his teasing gentle. He wasn’t expecting the sharp inhale of Dan’s breath, audible even over the sound of the waves crashing against the side of the boat.

“Don’t pin it all on me.” For what felt like the first time, there was no music in Dan’s voice, only a silent plea that held the echoes of desperation.

“Never did.” Kyle was quick to reply, moving forward a little so his front was pressed to Dan’s back. “Never would, either.”

His eyes were drawn to his hand, where Dan had moved to cover it with his own, fingers idly toying with the metal of his thumb ring, twisting it in what had become an almost familiar anxious habit of his.

“So you figured it out, then?” He asked, voice strangely light considering what he was asking. Not for the first time, Kyle found himself wishing he could see Dan’s face, could see what expression he was wearing even as he asked such a loaded question, shoulders tight with tension.

“Think I’m starting to. But then again, I figured this out years ago.” Kyle replied quietly, looking out to the water in front of him, the light dancing over the waves as they continued to roll. He had to swallow the initial panic of ocean and sharks, focusing instead on the man in front of him. He could feel the responding slump of Dan’s shoulders, something that was almost painful to see, a sign of absolute defeat. He took a deep breath, trying to resign himself to whatever was to come, knowing it would mean years more of pining and learning how to better love this man who was as bright as the sun, but equally consumed by darkness that threatened to drag him down to the depths of the sea, far beyond where Kyle could reach him. But it was okay. Because loving Dan was like loving that same sea, constantly changing but never ceasing in its constant pull.

Dan’s fingers tightened on his hand, and Kyle barely had a moment to realize that he’d threaded their fingers together before he was letting go. Kyle moved to step back, but Dan was turning in his vague hold, fixing him with an intense stare. He opened his mouth, to ask a question, or say something to break whatever it was that was boiling between them, but he was cut off by Dan reaching up and cupping his face between his hands, which was the only warning he got before Dan was stepping forward and pressing their lips together.

He could count on one hand the times they’d kissed like this, but he was grateful for it as he was able to appreciate the softness of it, the way Dan’s fingers curled against his beard, the way his eyelashes brushed his cheeks as he closed his eyes and melted into it. Kyle closed his own eyes and brought his hands to Dan’s waist, pulling him closer as he returned the kiss. It felt like late nights on their tour bus with his fingers carding through Dan’s hair as they both fought sleep. It felt like early mornings in Will’s flat, waking up on his couch surrounded by scraps of music, terrified that nothing they were doing would work, but knowing that it didn’t matter, knowing that they were going to try, regardless. It felt like coming home.

Dan was the one to break the kiss, letting his forehead come to rest against Kyle’s as he finally opened his eyes, beautiful eyes that looked like the very ocean they were sailing over now. Kyle brought a hand up to Dan’s hair, fingers carding through the short bits at the back of his neck.

“Still worried about drifting?” He asked quietly, eyes searching Dan’s face for even a hint of the worry that he feared would be present. But Dan’s smile was nothing short of breathtaking, eyes dancing as he answered.

“Not when I can just follow that pull back to you.”

They broke apart at the sound of catcalls coming from behind them, not moving too far away from each other even as they looked back at Woody and Will.

“You owe me so much money. I charge interest on my bets.” Woody nudged Will, who let out a cry of outrage.

“You kidding me? I don’t even remember that bet anymore, it’s been like six bloody years!”

“Oi, c’mon, I need to get some more footage. Do Titanic!” Tom chimed in, somehow oblivious to whatever Woody and Will were on about. Kyle wasn’t entirely convinced it wasn’t willful ignorance at that point.

He rolled his eyes, and looked over to Dan to get his opinion, but the singer was already turning in his hold, throwing his arms out to his sides.

“I’m king of the world!” Kyle threw his head back and shouted, only to dissolve into laughter as his fingers tightened on Dan’s hips. Dan laughed too, throwing his own head back to rest on Kyle’s shoulder as his hands moved to cover Kyle’s, tangling their fingers together. As much as it was for the video diary-whatever-thing that they were doing, he couldn’t deny the fact that in that moment, it was true. Nothing could bring them down.

/          /          /

_Dan was looking at them expectantly as he finished the song, nervous even after all these years of creating music that all of them adored._

_“I like it.” Not for the first time, Kyle was the one to speak, and almost instantly the worry dissipated from Dan’s expression. “It’s good. I like that you’ve managed to write a song vaguely about the ocean that doesn’t make me want to stay firmly on land forever.” He kept his tone light, not wanting to show the fact that the lyrics were still swimming in his head. He could remember a time when those words would have been about him. Moments of “I don’t want to do this without you”, moments of “We fit”, moments of “You make me feel less scared”. He could remember when his own thoughts had started to reflect the words coming from Dan, could remember the first time he’d realized what Dan meant about singing and playing being the only times he could shake the demons from his back._

_Regardless of what Dan meant by it, he knew what he would mean every time he played it. Dan had this way with words that Kyle never could manage, and it was amazing that he could write these songs about things that from anyone else’s lips would have sounded depressing. But with Dan’s vocals and general style, all he could feel was hope. The new album they were working on was full of those moments, of finding peace in an increasingly terrifying world, of dancing through pain and loss, of having something to hold on to through the currents of life._

_“It’s going to be a great album. Can’t bloody wait.” Will grinned, clapping Dan on the shoulder._

_“Won’t have to wait too much longer. Think we’re recording it in a few weeks.” Woody pointed out. “You ever feel like we never stop working? Cause I’m starting to think I would have gotten more sleep with my job at the shop and tacking on an overnight shift at the chips place down the street.”_

_Kyle closed his eyes, picturing that future for a moment. Getting a job he was alright with, earning enough to live on, maybe enough to save up a bit for retirement. Settling down with a sweet girl from the neighborhood that his mum adored, creating a life that would look great on paper, but… not waking up within arm’s reach of Dan. Not making music ever again. Allowing himself to be consumed by those same fears of ‘Not good enough’ and ‘talentless’ and ‘worthless’. Never seeing Dan’s whole face light up anytime he improved a musical line that fit into his melodies. Never hearing Woody complain about how long they’d gone without a legitimate meal. Never seeing the tattoo Will had gotten when he disappeared the night they debuted their album. Never feeling that rush of a standing ovation at the end of a gig. Never truly understanding that home wasn't a building with a white picket fence and a rosebush out front, but the sparkle in blue-green eyes, the full-bodied laughter, the slight twist of lips whenever Dan spoke his name._

_“Think I’ll take the exhaustion over that nonsense.” Kyle said, voice rough with emotion as he looked up at the ceiling. He could feel Dan’s gaze on him, that unreadable, searching thing that had once driven him insane._

_“Yeah. Think I’ll take my chances with you lot.” Dan finally said, reaching out to squeeze Kyle’s shoulder before launching into the next song. Kyle couldn’t ignore the way that touch seemed to linger long after Dan had removed his hand, nor could he ignore how grounded such a simple touch made him feel._

_Yeah, Kyle knew exactly what he would mean every time he sang those lyrics._


	10. Chapter 10

Kyle shouldn’t have been surprised when the knock came at his motel door in the middle of the night. They were staying in this weird neon motel that Dan had fallen in love with the moment they’d seen it, and Dick had agreed to let them stay for an extra night since they had a day’s gap between shows. One of the perks of Dan’s constant working, it kept their tour manager happy and made him much more lenient when they asked for favors. As it was, Kyle didn’t fully appreciate the neon flamingo opposite his room until it was the only light illuminating Dan’s face when he finally opened the door. 

 

“Figured you’d be dead to the world by now.” Kyle said lightly, noting how Dan was still in his clothes from earlier that day. Kyle couldn’t be bothered to change, either, still almost vibrating with what had happened on the boat earlier. 

 

“On a night like this?” Dan retorted, offering a brief smile. “Was thinking about going down to the beach.”

 

“It’s cold.” Kyle frowned, but he was already slipping into the sandals he'd bought earlier that day and grabbing his key from the table next to the door. Dan smiled as he fell into step beside him, following the vague route to what Kyle assumed was the beach. Sure enough, the sound of waves met their ears and it wasn't long until they were kicking off their shoes to walk barefoot in the sand. There were no lights on the beach, nothing more than the moon to illuminate their path.

 

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Dan asked, turning to look at Kyle with a soft smile. 

 

“Yeah. Nice when the sun’s not trying to burn us all alive.” Kyle retorted, nudging Dan’s shoulder with his own. Dan just chuckled, then grabbed his hand and pulled him down into the sand, far enough down that the waves could lick at their toes. Dan sat close, leaning his head on Kyle’s shoulder as they looked out into the dark ocean, the reflection of the stars and moon twinkling back at them. They were silent for what felt like ages, and Kyle eventually let his head rest against Dan’s, closing his eyes as the wind picked up around them.

 

“What changed?” Kyle finally asked, trying to work past the lump in his throat. Dan didn’t move, and for a moment Kyle was afraid he hadn’t been heard, but then Dan let out a quiet sigh. 

 

“I didn’t mean to pull away. But I was afraid that if I let myself...have this. Have a chance at us… I was afraid I’d lose my focus and let everyone down. And I kept thinking… after we wrap our EP, after we wrap the album, after, after, after, after…” Dan’s hand moved as he spoke before it came to rest on Kyle’s knee. “It wouldn’t be fair to you. I know I’m a lot, and--” He cut himself off with a laugh, and he shifted his head so his mouth was pressed to Kyle’s shoulder. “But you were there. Every step of the way, weren’t you?”

 

“Told you I meant every word.” Kyle retorted gently. “I’m not going anywhere. ‘Sides, I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you somewhere along the way. Love doesn’t pull away when shit gets bad.”

 

Kyle didn’t miss the sharp inhale of Dan’s breath when the words left his lips, but he couldn’t regret them. It had been years. The time for keeping secrets had long since passed. Still, he wasn’t expecting Dan to lunge awkwardly, grabbing Kyle by the head before they fell back into the sand. Dan’s lips were on his in an instant, kissing him as though his very life depended on it, and Kyle brought his hands up to Dan’s face to still him, ending the kiss far earlier than he would have liked. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dan asked, the hurt still audible in his voice even despite the breathlessness. 

 

“You’re the words person, not me.” Kyle teased in response. When Dan just fixed him with a glare, Kyle sighed, letting his head fall back to the sand. “There never seemed to be a good time. You’ve had enough on your plate. And I sort of thought the ball was in your court? Figured if you wanted to pick it up again, you would.”

 

“How long?” Dan asked, leaning over Kyle and fixing him with an intense gaze, one that left no room for nonsense. Kyle finally squeezed his eyes shut against that, trying to escape those piercing eyes. 

 

“Late 2011, early 2012? Abouts? And every day since.” He finally admitted, voice thick with the depth of what he was admitting. 

 

“2012.” Dan said after a moment, folding his hands over Kyle’s chest and resting his head on them. “About when I started writing ‘The Draw’.” 

 

Kyle pushed up so he was leaning on his elbows, looking down at Dan incredulously. “That’s five years. Five bloody years, Dan.” He paused, realization dawning on him slowly. “You’re in love with me?”

 

“I’m actually very bad with words. Give me a few weeks, and I’ll write a song about it instead, yeah?” Dan mumbled, burying his head in Kyle’s chest. 

 

“As beautiful as I’m sure that song would be, I think I’d just rather you said it.” Kyle reached up, brushing some of the sand from his hand onto his shirt before burying his fingers in Dan’s hair. Dan looked up suddenly, meeting Kyle’s gaze with his own before he shifted up to press their lips together again.

 

“I love you.” Dan whispered as he pulled away, just enough so he could look Kyle in the eye. “I love you, and I’m sorry I’ve been such an an idiot about it.”

 

“I love you too.” Kyle responded, suddenly feeling lighter than he had in ages, even despite the weight of Dan on his chest. “Even if you’ve been bloody ridiculous about all of it.” He paused, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out from where it had fallen beneath Dan’s glasses. “Looks like that ‘one day’ of yours might not be so far off, hm?”

 

Dan looked confused for a moment, but Kyle could see the flush on his cheeks even despite the low light when he connected the dots. He wasn’t expecting Dan to smirk devilishly down at him in response. “Tell you what. You manage to get all that sand out of your hair, and ‘one day’ could be tonight.” 

 

Kyle opened his mouth to ask what Dan was talking about before the other was pushing him down into the sand again, kissing him desperately for what might have been the greatest thirty seconds of Kyle’s life before he was pushing off and walking away. Kyle just exhaled sharply and shakily got to his feet, trying to dust off the sand as best as he could before following in the other’s tracks. He knelt down to grab his sandals where he’d discarded them, not bothering to put them back on. Dan hadn’t waited for him, a strange sort of determination in his step, making Kyle realize just how real everything was. It was exhilarating, equal parts terrifying and and wonderful, and he didn’t think he would trade so much as a second of any of it. 

 

/ / /

  
  


_ Kyle really should have known better than to go to the party. He’d only just moved into his flat a few weeks prior, and yes, it was quite nice of the guy down the hall to invite him to this thing, but he knew absolutely no one here and if he wanted to be wasted and miserable and alone, he could have managed that just fine in his own home, thank you very much. _

 

_ He took a long drink of his beer, trying to clear his mind of the melancholy that had settled in. This was a good thing, he reminded himself. Getting outside, living his life, meeting new people, drinking free beer. If he hadn’t gone out tonight, he would have just stayed in and drunkenly played piano or whatever other instrument struck his fancy until he passed out. This was better, more normal. Everything his parents would have wanted for him, even.  _

 

_ Kyle was reminded, suddenly, of the near daily fights about his job at the shop, his tendency to play music instead of actively pursuing a ‘better career’ with his free time, his general tendencies to drift through life and enjoy mediocrity. It had nearly driven him insane, all of that coupled with the frequent voice of “Music is a great hobby, son, but can’t you be doing something...more with your time?”. Not that his parents didn’t support and love him, of those things he had no doubt. They only wanted what was best for him. It’s just that he had yet to figure out exactly what that was.  _

 

_ He wasn’t sure how long he’d been at the party, but he was already contemplating slipping out for the night before the loneliness and misery consumed his entire being, although that may have just been the alcohol talking.  _

 

_ Salvation came in the form of the most gorgeous person he’d ever laid eyes on, awkwardly collapsing onto the couch next to him.  _

 

_ Kyle just stared at the other, watching him bob his head along with the frankly terrible music playing around them. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it upon realizing that anything he could say would likely make the other leave as quickly as he’d arrived. Still, the guy gave him a brief smile, nodded his head in acknowledgment before settling further into the couch. His hair looked like he’d been freshly electrocuted, or shagged, actually, and his lips were curled into an easy smile, despite how terribly out of place he seemed. Kyle found himself wanting to run his fingers through that hair, to find out how it felt, to see if he could muss it up any worse, and he quickly took another drink from his beer to calm his thoughts. The guy was an absolute stranger, and sure, Kyle was more than up for a random hook up at a party, especially considering the fact that he didn’t actually know the host, but there was something more to this one. Maybe it was the way his eyes danced even in the low light of the room at large, or the way his fingers tapped against the side of his cup, or the way he was wearing a frankly ridiculous jumper at what was otherwise a fairly stylish party. Whatever it was about the other made Kyle remain silent, not wanting to break the weird sort of spell they’d fallen into.  _

 

_ “Hi.” He finally spoke, a quiet, awkward sound that made something in Kyle’s chest do a weird sort of flip. _

 

_ “Hi. ‘m Kyle.” He somehow managed to get out. When the guy didn’t run or seem otherwise put-off, Kyle tried again, leaning a little closer so he could be heard. “Not having fun, then?” _

 

_ “Not really my scene, no. I never know what to do at these things.” He replied, as though that wasn’t painfully obvious by how uncomfortable he looked. Still, he shifted closer, too, and Kyle took that as a sign to continue. _

 

_ “Don’t think anyone actually does. It’s all just a nice escape from being alone, I guess.” He wasn’t sure what made him say that. No one would be impressed with depressing thoughts. His train of thought was cut off when he realized that one of them had moved closer so their thighs were touching, even despite the space on the otherwise empty couch. _

 

_ “No one enjoys being alone with their thoughts.”  _

 

_ Kyle’s eyes dropped down to the other’s lips as he spoke, and he found himself wondering what he would do if Kyle leaned a little closer, closed the distance between them and found out if the other would taste as sweet as he sounded. He quickly returned his gaze to the other’s eyes, nearly getting lost in the depths of them. In that moment, Kyle knew that he would do whatever he asked, whether that be going back to his place, or sneaking off to one of the more private rooms, or hell, even shagging there on the couch for all to see. He could see the other’s eyes moving over him speculatively, knew it was just a matter of time before one of them did something about that obvious spark. He just needed a sign from the other, needed to know that he wanted it just as badly as Kyle did.  _

 

_ Nothing could have prepared him for the words that finally dropped from the other’s lips, but when he’ll look back on that moment years in the future, he’ll never be sure whether he would have had that night end any other way.  _

  
_ “You should join my band.” _ _   
_


	11. Chapter 11

Kyle wasn’t sure how seriously he was supposed to take Dan’s sand comment, but he still took his time in the shower, doing everything he could to get every grain out of his hair and even his beard. By the time he ended up at Dan’s door, his heart was threatening to pound out of his chest. Dan just smiled softly at him and pulled him inside, hands moving to either side of Kyle’s face so he could tug him down into a soft kiss. It was such a careful thing, it made his stomach do a somersault or two before he had enough of a mind to kick the door closed behind him, blanketing them in the darkness of the room. A soft pink light filtered in through the crack in the curtain over the window, allowing him to see enough to follow Dan to the bed in the middle of the room, the latter taking his hand in a firm grip to lead the way, as though he was afraid Kyle would run if he wasn’t constantly touching him. 

 

“Not going anywhere.” Kyle pointed out fondly, still letting Dan tug him forward and push him backwards onto the bed. 

 

“Better not.” Dan replied, following Kyle down as easily as breathing, pressing their lips together over and over again. It was too easy to wrap his arms around Dan’s waist, for his hands to move to rest under Dan’s shirt as they kissed, tracing the outline of his sides with his fingers. His thumbs fit perfectly in the dip of Dan’s hips, so he let his hands rest there, even as Dan shifted so he was straddling Kyle’s hips. It was a little strange, letting Dan be the one to set the pace, but he had no intentions of fighting that, even as Dan pulled away to help him remove his shirt. Kyle’s hands moved to the hem of Dan’s shirt, but Dan was the one tugging on the fabric, tossing it in the same direction he’d tossed Kyle’s. Kyle pushed himself to more of a sitting position so he could kiss Dan again, one hand coming to the other’s face so his thumb could trace along Dan’s jaw. 

 

Kyle wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, half-dressed and sharing the same air, but it felt like years later when Dan’s hands came to hesitantly rest on the waistband of his shorts, a silent question that Kyle would be damned before answering in the negative. Instead, he tugged on Dan’s own sweatpants, pushing them down his hips before wrapping an arm around his back so he could pull him down to the bed next to him. Dan didn't hesitate to kick out of his own pants, strangely confident as his fingers pushed down Kyle’s in turn.

 

He was suddenly hit with the realization that for as close as they'd gotten years ago, they'd never done this before. It was the first time he'd actually gotten to see Dan completely bare, nevermind his own state of undress, and he desperately wanted to commit this moment to memory. No more hazy flashbacks and unanswered questions. His eyes trailed up and down Dan’s form, even as close together as they were pressed on the bed, and he froze when he realized Dan’s eyes were trained entirely on his own face.

 

“What?” Kyle asked, feeling stupid even as the question left his lips. 

 

"Just never thought we'd get here, is all. Thought about it loads." Dan replied, reaching out to rest a hand against the bare skin of Kyle's chest, palm stretched over his heart.   
  
"Me neither. Figured you'd had your fill of me." Kyle responded easily, teasing lightly even as he cupped Dan's face in his free hand. The pink light shone against the ring on his thumb, and something in Dan's eyes softened before he turned to place a kiss against the metal.    
  
"Never." Dan finally replied, fingers curling over Kyle's chest as he spoke. He was reminded of another night, years ago, when his heart was pounding out of his chest, when he'd sang a song about a racing heart, asked if Dan could feel it, too. He never could have realized the depth of what he was asking, had no idea how desperately he would fall for the man across from him, and yet.    
  
He didn't regret a single moment of it.    
  
Dan seemed to reach a realization of his own, leaning forward to press a swift kiss to Kyle's lips before rolling away. Kyle didn't protest, just watched as he crawled over to the edge of the bed to rummage through his bag for something. When a small bottle landed on his chest, he almost laughed, but opted against it, not wanting to ruin the moment.   
  
"You've been planning this." Kyle said instead, fingers toying with the bottle, noting that it hadn't been opened.   
  
"Hoping." Dan corrected, stretching out next to him and giving him an almost challenging look. "You gonna do something with that, or should I?"   
  
Kyle just shook his head and rolled so he was hovering over Dan, using one hand to support himself while the other came to rest on Dan's hip. "Seem pretty sure of yourself, there, Smith."   
  
"I think I've known just what those fingers were capable of since the night we met. Think I'm long overdue for finding out how right I am." Dan retorted, a slight hitch in his breathing the only sign of nervousness. Kyle had to laugh at that, and he muffled the sound by kissing Dan again, using the distraction to hitch the other's leg up. Dan inhaled sharply against Kyle's lips, the only sound in the room until Kyle flicked the cap on the bottle. Realizing quickly that he had run out of hands, he shifted his weight to his knees so he could actually get the lube onto his fingers. For all his own history, he had no idea what Dan had gotten up to over the last few years, but if the way the others breathing had suddenly picked up was any indication, he didn't think it was much.    
  
He leaned down to kiss Dan again as his fingers moved to the others entrance, brushing over the hole without actually pressing in. It had been ages since he'd done this, but he knew enough to know that it wasn't something that needed to be rushed. He waited until Dan's shoulders relaxed against the pillows before pressing a finger in. Dan tensed up for only a moment before relaxing into the kiss again, his tongue for once uncoordinated as Kyle slowly worked an entire finger into the other.    
  
All at once, he found himself cursing the wasted time, all the nights they could have been doing this instead of whatever the hell he'd been doing for the last six years. He found in that moment he couldn't remember just how he'd spent those lonely nights. But at the same time, there was something perfect about curling over Dan in the too-large bed, nothing more than a weird pink light filtering through the crack in the window shade filtering over them in the middle of a town he'd never heard of while his fingers drew the most beautiful noises from the vocalist below him.    
  
He'd only just managed to get three fingers in when the tip of his middle finger brushed over something that made Dan's body arch as a strangled moan was pulled from his lips.   
  
"Please." Dan's fingers moved to tangle in Kyle's hair, pulling him down into a messy kiss, more tongue than anything else.    
  
"You sure?" Kyle asked, shifting his fingers to brush against that spot again.    
  
"Never been more sure of anything. Come on, been waiting years for this." Dan mumbled against his lips. Kyle still moved his fingers in and out for a few more moments, half for his own peace of mind and half for the noises Dan made when he'd move his fingers just so. He finally pulled them out when Dan reached down to the side of the bed, grabbing a line of condoms that he proceeded to shove against Kyle's chest.   
  
"Better get on with it or I'll never last."    
  
Kyle just shook his head and pulled away so he could fumble with one of the wrappers, nearly dropping the thing but finally getting it rolled on. He paused, looking down at Dan for a moment, still out of breath from what they'd done so far. He wasn't usually this introspective, and he certainly wasn't usually this patient, but Dan was a goddamn work of art and he wanted to savor this moment for as long as he could.   
  
"For fuck's sake." Dan huffed, moving up to a sitting position before pushing Kyle down to lie on his back. "Am I to do everything, then?"   
  
"I was having a moment." Kyle protested, voice trailing off into a groan as Dan sank down onto him with no warning, hands braced on Kyle's chest and knees on either side of his hips.    
  
"Have it later." Dan breathed, as though he hadn't just completely blown Kyle's mind. Because holy shit. He was inside Dan, connected in every possible way, and it was a thousand times better than what he dreamed it would be like. His hands flew to Dan's hips, giving both of them a moment to adjust before Dan was moving, tiny rolls of his hips as he tried to find the best angle.    
  
It wasn't long before they managed to find a good rhythm, Kyle rocking his hips up just as Dan moved down. He shouldn't have been surprised at how easy it was, given how in sync they were in every other possible way. When Dan slumped forward slightly, Kyle pushed himself up to meet the other halfway so he could kiss Dan. There was no desperation, sloppy as it was, just their lips moving together as their bodies kept up a vague rhythm.    
  
"Love you." Kyle muttered against Dan's lips, fingers gripping the other’s hips tightly just as he let out a shout, untouched and yet still shaking apart on top of him. The sound of Dan coming undone was all it took for Kyle to follow him over that edge, nearly blacking out with the intensity of it all.    
  
When he finally managed to open his eyes again, Dan was still shaking and slumped over him. He carefully lifted the other off, reaching down for one of their discarded shirts to clean them up before he curled himself behind the other. Dan's hand came to tangle with the hand Kyle had draped over his side, and he tugged it up to press a kiss to Kyle's palm before he was turning to face him.   
  
"Remind me again why we haven't been doing that for years?" He asked.   
  
"Because you're a workaholic and apparently I'm a moron." Kyle replied, surprised at how light his tone was.    
  
"Yeah, but you've got nice hands, so I think I'll keep you around." Dan grinned, a quiet laugh escaping his lips.   
  
"Better. We've got years to make up for, and there's no telling how many more nights like this we'll get."    
  
Familiar fears crept up in the back of his mind, remembering they had a day of traveling ahead of them and more concerts, not to mention all the work they'd have to do once they returned home. Albums don't record themselves, after all, and he didn't think they'd stopped touring for longer than a few days over the last several years. Work wasn't something they could avoid; it was where they lived. There was no telling how far down Dan's mind could spiral this time, how consumed he would get by the next big thing their band would have to tackle.    
  
Before he could pull away, Dan was taking his face in his hands, fixing him with a serious look.    
  
"I've spent years trying to cope with being in love with you. I've written countless songs about...everything. About you, about us. If you think for one second that I'm going to push that, push us to the side again... you're absolutely mental. I let you go once. I'll not make the same mistake twice."   
  
Kyle couldn't help but press forward at that, kissing Dan for a brief moment before pressing their foreheads together.    
  
"But think of how great that would make album three."   
  
When Dan laughed, a full-bodied thing that seemed to flow through every fiber of his being, Kyle felt that knot in his chest loosen somewhat.    
  
For the first time in a long time, he wasn't consumed with thoughts of the past, with memories that seemed to haunt him at every turn.

 

For the first time in a long time, it was thoughts of the present that lulled him to sleep, and when he dreamed, the future was bright.


	12. Epilogue

Another amazing show at another amazing venue. The crowd was on fire, singing along with every song, as though Dan was no more than a hyperactive choir director for the thousands gathered there.

It was always bittersweet, getting to the end of the set for the final venue on a leg of a tour. The next morning, they’d be on a plane, headed back to London for a few nights of rest before the next leg of festivals and shows and whatever other nonsense Dan had signed them all up for. As much as Kyle was homesick, missing his family and the cats of his neighborhood, he was surprised at how much he didn’t want to leave. This tour had been incredible, both from a performance standpoint as well as what it had meant for him personally.

As though reading his mind, Dan looked up from his keyboard to meet Kyle’s gaze with a soft smile. There were no questions left between them, no more moments of ‘almost’, and it was absolutely brilliant, so much more than Kyle ever could have hoped for with the other.

It was easy to get caught up in that gaze, to get drawn back to the night those eyes had captivated his heart and mind, to pretend they were still in those early days instead of playing a huge stadium a thousand miles from that smoky living room. But that moment that passed between them seemed to encompass years, nearly a decade of longing and miscommunication, all passing by in a mere second until there was nothing more than love in either of their eyes.

Woody pounded on the kick drum a few times in a nonsensical rhythm, breaking whatever was passing between the pair so Dan could return his attention to the crowd of people still cheering for them. Dan’s fingers moved over the keys of his own keyboard, playing out the opening notes to Pompeii before he put the mic up to his mouth to speak again.

“Thank you so much! We’ve been Bastille!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Bastille Day!
> 
> So this is the end! I wanna say thanks to everyone who has stuck with me from the initial posting of Join My Band and continued reading through the twists and turns this verse ended up taking.
> 
> I don't want to say this is the end of the story 'verse altogether. But I also don't want to promise anything I can't deliver. I will say that I don't have anything else planned for Days That Bind Us. I will also say that upon posting Join My Band, I didn't have anything else planned and yet here we are, 30,000 words later.
> 
> So again, thank you all for reading! I've loved hearing what all of you have thought about the story, and I hope to get the chance to talk with you all again soon!
> 
> Also, you can always hit me up at my Tumblr, lady-icarus-in-flight ! I love talking to new people, especially about Bastille.


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